


As the Sun Rises

by AwesomeEyeroll



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Between the Scenes, F/M, There I Fixed It, Unseen moment, Vignette, head canon, show canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12611668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeEyeroll/pseuds/AwesomeEyeroll
Summary: A brief Vignette set in 3x07. After Claire leaves for the apothecary, Jamie considers his reactions.





	As the Sun Rises

The moment she left he knew he’d handled it badly. Hell, he hadn’t even asked her if she was alright. He wanted to tell himself that he was angry with her. At her stubbornness, at her single mindedness. And whilst a small part of him was, she must be out of her mind to want to save this man, the truth was he was angry at himself. And afraid. So very afraid. It was a long forgotten feeling. One he hadn’t truly since that split second moment when he fired a shot which killed a man but saved his son. But he felt it now. Deep in his very core in his bones, in his soul. It made his skin prickle and the hairs on the back of his neck rise slightly. He was afraid for her, the danger of the world she had returned to, the crushing weight of responsibility in knowing that she had returned for him. But also a lightness, joy. The moment when he turned and saw her in the Print Shop. Like a vision, a dream. But she spoke, she touched him and he knew her to be real. God, what a gift that she had been restored to him. And yet his fear clouded it all. His fear for her safety, his fear that she would leave him again, his fear of what would happened when she discovered who he truly was, what he was. 

She had taken the news of Willie in her stride. Stoically. He knew it was right that he told her, but he flinched inwardly at the look of pain that had crossed her face. The way she had swallowed when she had asked about his mother. His timing had been bad too, he knew this, even if his motives were not. To take the moment in which she shared their child, their daughter with him and fling another woman’s child at her. It had not been kind, but the need. The need to share it with another person, with the other part of his soul. He squeezed his eyes shut as a tear rolled down his cheek, Last night had been miraculous. To touch her, to hold her warm and pliant in his arms after so many years of chasing a ghost, of waking from dreams about her hard and ready or feeling the sticky warmth of his own release across his belly. She was more beautiful to him now than she had been when they wed. The little lines which fanned her eyes a confirmation of the years. That she had lived. That the years had touched her, as they had touched him and she was real. For those few hours he truly remembered what it was to know a person to their soul and to have them know you. He had been himself with a woman who loved him only for him. Who knew him and kept him safe in her heart.

He sighed. Morning light had brought reality. Claire, his love, was here. Was real. And yet he was torn. Not torn in how he felt for her, but torn about what best to do. So much time had passed, so much had happened. How could he tell her all that had passed and all that he was and not have her turn and flee from him? And if she did was he strong enough to bear her loss a second time. His fear made him angry, made him lash out at her. At his Claire, his Sassenach. The woman who had brought colour and light back into his life and yet he could not help himself but to try to pull her into the darkness with him. Would they ever find there way again or was the passage of not only time but space too much for even them to weather. 

He sat briefly on the stool, looking meditatively at the man on the bed. Standing again he unsheathed his knife and stood over him. A crash from below roused him. With a curse over his shoulder at the man he turned and left.


End file.
